Testimonies: Being a fan of Shia Labeouf

I’m currently sporting a blue plastic bracelet that says “I LOVE SHIA LaBEOUF” courtesy of EBAY. Welcome to my life.

Speaking of the sadness that has crashed over my life like a tsunami on a small village off a coast somewhere, I have a recent pathetic story involving Mr. Labeouf to get out of my system. I noticed on IMDB.com, my Mecca, that Shia Labeouf signed on for the sequel to Transformers, now named “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen”. FYI, do not call it Transformers 2, Michael Bay will get heated. Anyway, after hearing of Shia’s new film, I researched it as much as possible and made a miraculous discovery. The new Transformers was being filmed in Philadelphia, located a mere 45 minutes away from my current dwelling. A light from above was shining on me when I came across a casting call for extras. “This could be my chance”, I thought, “my one chance to meet the man whos name I wear around my wrist.” I employed my brother to be my entertainment as I waited in line at the casting call one rainy May day. We got to the front of the line and a woman told my brother and me to go in a separate room. This was a good sign; it meant they were considering using us! We got our pictures taken and were given information that the casting agency would call us if need be. Days and days past and my phone lit up with numbers I had seen before. One day as I returned home from a horrendous day of small highway rush hour traffic, my brother informs me that he got the gig, not me. Alas, he “acted” on set as an extra with Shia Labeouf in several scenes. Even conversing with Shia on down time and wishing him a happy 22nd birthday. If only this could have been me. I wonder, if I was in my brother’s place, would this interaction feed my obsession or crush the pedestal that I hold Mr. Labeouf on.

I have never had a celebrity crush. Sure, I find several figures in the public eye to be good-looking and intriguing but none have the appeal as my Shia. I often times ask myself, “Why am I drawn to a guy like Shia?” It’s his carefree anti-Hollywood attitude. I’m attracted to the jerks, the guys who act like they don’t care about anything and who will do anything regardless of the consequences. Shia doesn’t aim to please the masses with his late-night partying shenanigans or his carefully planned out media interview answers. He’s real; he tells it like it is. He’s the way I imagine I would be if I was in his situation. It’s hard to sum up my infatuation with Shia, I feel Jay-Z described himself and through the mind of Mr. Labeouf when he said, “I’m not a business man…I’m a business, MAN!”

Shia Labeouf is a business; he’s like a well-oiled machine. From one perfect performance to the next, Shia is pumping out the hits like he’s Will Smith in 1999. Shia can do no wrong; I mean come on, his last name means “the beef”. At this rate Shia Labeouf will undoubtedly take over the world one action flick at a time, I’m convinced. Never underestimate the power of a half-Jew!

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Legend of Paradise in Alamut

Examining a critical and analytical approach of the sources, it is almost possible to clarify that the fortress of Alamut was situated in rocky and infertile region, and its physical condition during occupation was very much rough and coarse. It was embosomed with swamps and muddy tracts, accounting unhealthy atmosphere. Hasan bin Sabbah immediately embarked on the task of renovating the castle, which was in great need of repairs, improving its fortifications, storage facilities and water supply sources. He also improved and extended the system of irrigation and cultivation of crops in the Alamut, where many trees were planted. Thus, a fertile spot emerged out, tending an eye-catching scene in the barren ranges of Elburz Mountain. The fertile tracts of the valley radically began to appear as if an oasis in the desert.

Whenever, the Alamut was threatened, the enemies had to come from Ispahan to Rudhbar after passing through the tedious and barren regions, and pitched their camps at the pastures of Alamut. While retreating, the frustrated forces took their revenge by mutilating and cutting down the luxuriant crops and devastated the smiling fields in order to quench the thirst of hatred and passion. Their temper was also crystallized into romantic stories. Firstly, it was rumored that the valley of Alamut had been transformed into the gardens of paradise, but it proved an ineffectual among the local people. Instead, the enemies contrived another florid story that so-called paradise existed inside the fortress. Since it was difficult to ascertain the story by the local people, it received a less credence in some quarters, whose bits and shreds were sorted out by the later writers to embellish a tale in exaggeration. Thus, the failure to eliminate the Ismailis, begot in its turn the idea of myths and tales. Round a trifling thing has thus grown up a crop of fables, making it a curious hodgepodge. According to Encyclopaedia of Religion and Ethics (London, 1958, 2:140), “Hasan bin Sabbah caused the land surrounding his fortress to be carefully cultivated, and this may have led to the legend of paradise.” It was the Venetian traveller Marco Polo (1254-1324) to have heard from the villagers and narrated in his book. He was accompanied by his father and uncle and embarked on his journey to the court of Kubilai Khan (1260-1294). Macro Polo started from Acre in 1271, and passed through Iran in 1272, about 15 years after the reduction of Alamut when it was almost a heap of ruins. He committed his itinerary to writing through a scribe in 1298 and related what he had heard in Iran concerning the tale of paradise in Alamut. His ridiculous account however cannot be credible. It is inferred that he would have never crossed near the ruins of Alamut, and the description of the castle in Marco Polo’s book was either the stronghold of Girdkuh near Damghan, which was finally surrendered to the Mongols in 1270, about two years before he crossed Khorasan into northern Afghanistan; or, more probably, some fortress in eastern Kohistan. There he evidently had seen a ruined castle of the Ismailis. His itinerary however did not take him to Alamut, which appears to be the castle alluded to in his account. He had heard from some local informants, which he admits in the beginning, and therefore, his account is admittedly not based on personal observation. It also cannot be denied that Marco Polo’s account bears a distinctly occidental imprint, reflecting the influences of different reports, which are ultimately traceable to Burchard of Strassburg, Arnold of Lubeck and James of Vitry. It is therefore possible that Marco Polo had knowingly conflated the information he had acquired some 30 years earlier in Iran, with the legends then prevalent in Europe for the Ismailis of Syria. All this sounds to the conclusion that Marco Polo could not have heard his account in its entirety from his informants in Iran.

Marco Polo applied the term Ashishin (or Assassin) for the Ismailis. It has been asserted that the term Assassin had originally acquired currency in Crusader circles in reference to the Ismailis of Syria, and it was neither originated or prevalent in Iran, and therefore, Marco Polo could not have heard the term Assassins from his informants in Iran. His curious application of the title of Old Man of the Mountain (Vetus de Mountain, or Viel de la Montaigne) to the ruler of Alamut; also suggests a doubtful description. This title has been coined by the Crusaders for the chief of the Ismailis of Syria, and it was never in usage among the Ismailis of Iran. It is therefore, safe to infer that Marco Polo would have never heard the title of Old Man of the Mountain in Iran, but he used in the light of the then informations prevalent in Europe for the Syrian Ismailis. It will be interesting on this juncture to quote the description of Marco Polo about the secret garden of paradise. He narrates:-

“So he had fashioned it after the description that Mahomet gave of his paradise, to wit, that it should be a beautiful garden running with conduits of wine and milk and honey and water, and full of lovely women for the delectation of all its inmates. He kept at his court a number of the youths of the country, from 12 to 20 years of age, such as had a taste for soldiering, and to these he used to tell tales about paradise, just as Mahomet had be wont to do, and they believed in him just as the Saracens believe in Mahomet.. The prince would then ask whence he came, and he would reply that he came from paradise! and that it was exactly such as Mahomet had described it in the law.”

It is important to note that it was the tendency of the occidental sources to propagate that the Koran was not a heavenly revealed book, but it was designed by the Prophet, and whatever the misconception of Islam was popular in Europe at that time, is evidently echoing in the narration of Marco Polo. It gives further gravity to the conclusion that Marco Polo could not have heard such tendency from his Iranian informants. Peter de Venerable (1094-1156) had the Holy Koran translated for the first time from Arabic into Latin. Peter de Cluny (d. 551/1156) and Robert of Ketton also produced the Latin translation of the Koran in 538/1143, and it was followed by the translation of Mark of Toledo (1190-1200) under the title of Alcorani Machomati Liber. Joinville and Pedro de Alfonso and other followed them in the 12th century, had dwelled polemically on the hedonistic delights of the Islamic garden of paradise. Pedro de Alfonso’s account became much popular, and was treated, according to Islam and the West (Edinburgh, 1960, p. 148) by Norman Daniel, “the standard mediaeval version of the Quran’s promised paradise, that is, a garden of delights, the flowing waters, the mild air in which neither heat nor cold could afflict, the shady trees, the fruits, the many-coloured silken clothing and the palaces of precious stones and metals, the milk and wine served in gold and silver vessels by angels, saying, `eat and drink in joy’; and beautiful virgins, `untouched by men or demons’.” Norman Daniel also adds, “In spite of the enormous influence of the “Liber Scalae”, it must be said that the Quran itself was the chief source of the picture of the Islamic paradise familiar to so many mediaeval writers.” (Ibid.)

The most famous writers in Europe who produced a colourful tale of the Islamic garden of paradise were Pedro de Alfonso, San Pedro, Marino Sanudo, Varagine, Higden, Simon Simeon, Ricoldo da Monte Croce, William of Tripoli, John Mandeville, Jacques de Vitry, Alan of Lille, Sigebert, Guido, etc. In time, the European conceptions of the Islamic paradise, based on the Koranic description in a literal sense, were incorporated into the alleged paradise of Alamut, culminating in Marco Polo’s detailed account to this effect. Norman Daniel further writes, “It must be said that it was usual for Christians to allow themselves a rather purple rendering of the gardens and precious metals of paradise, though usually not of the virgins so beloved of later romanticism.” (Ibid.)

Thus, Marco Polo enhanced a further lease of life to the anti-Ismaili propaganda in Europe. Later on, the account of Friar Odoric of Pordenous (d. 731/1331), who visited China during 1323-27, is perhaps the earliest occidental account of the Ismailis, based entirely on Marco Polo, on his homeland journey to Italy in 1328. Odoric passed through the Caspian coast land in northern Iran, and heard there about the Ismailis, but his description almost resembles the account of Marco Polo. Charles E. Nowell writes in The Old Man of the Mountain (cf. Speculum, Mass., October, 1947, 12:517-8) that, “It is easy to understand how some parts of the Marco-Odoric legend were started. Various eastern historians say that the original Old Man, Hasan Sabbah, for purely economic and strategic reasons, had conduits built and encouraged planting around Alamut. This gave rise to the stories of the garden and the fountains of wine, milk and honey.”

Mirza Muhammad Saeed Dehlvi writes in Mazhab aur Batini Talim (Lahore, 1935, pp.296-7) that, “Whenever, the villagers looked the view of the beautiful gardens, green fields and heaths from the surrounding walls of Alamut, they thought it a model of a paradise of the Nizari Ismailis on the ranges of mountain. It is possible that the legend of paradise must have been originated by the illiterate and narrow-minded villagers from whom Marco Polo had heard and recorded it during his journey.”

It is also a striking feature that not a single Muslim source, notably Ata Malik Juvaini had ever mentioned about the legend of paradise, who was very aggressive in his narratives and was in search of such stories against the Ismailis. Marshall Hodgson writes in The Order of the Assassins (Netherland, 1955, p.135) that, “Juvaini, when investigating the history of Alamut on the spot after its fall did not look for such a garden as Polo heard tell of.”

The modern scholars express great doubts as to the historicity of the stories of paradise narrated by Marco Polo. Carl Brockelmann writes in History of the Islamic Peoples (London, 1959, p. 179) that, “What the Venetian world traveller Marco Polo reported, who some two hundred years later (1271 or 1272) passed through the territory of Alamut, may be mere a legend.” Dr. Abbas Hamadani writes in The Fatimids (Karachi 1962, pp. 50-51) that, “A myth was circulated in much later times to the effect that Hasan used to give hashish, an intoxicating drug, to his followers, and in their state of unconsciousness they were transferred to a false paradise. The legend of paradise was circulated by the European traveller Marco Polo, and it is obviously false.” Athar Abbas Rizvi writes in Iran – Royalty, Religion and Revolution (Canberra, 1980, p. 72) that, “The romantic stories of the order of assassins and of the Old Man of the Mountain are familiar to Western readers through the pages of Marco Polo, but the legends surrounding events in Alamut, although fascinating, are far from truth.” According to The Arabs (by the editors of Encyclopaedia Britannica, New York, 1978, p. 94) that, “Stories of the terrorists’ use of hashish before setting out to commit murder and face martyrdom are doubtful, and there is no Ismaili source to confirm tales of an artificial paradise into which drugged members were taken as a foretaste of eternal bliss.” Duncan Forbes also writes in The Heart of Iran (London, 1963, p. 29) that, “It is difficult to believe that the Alamut valley, austere and rocky as it is today, ever contained the delicate gardens described in the Middle Ages.” Lastly, in falsifying the tale of paradise, William Marsdon writes in The Travels of Marco Polo (London, 1818, p. 117) that, “We may affect to smile at his (Macro Polo’s) credulity.”

It must be borne in mind that a less informed Ismaili historian, called Dehkhoda Abdul Malik bin Ali, who was appointed the commander of the fortress, later on became known as the Maimundiz in Rabi I, 520/April, 1126; gives few important details under the year 536/1142, as cited by Rashiduddin’s Jamiut Tawarikh (Tehran, 1959, pp. 149-163), and Abul Kassim Kashani’s Zubdat al-Tawarikh (1964, pp. 171-4) that the Khurramiya, a sect of the Kaysania, had greatly borrowed the teachings of the Mazdakites and Zoroastrians. To sum up, by Khurramiya means the whole wide movement which operated through out Iran, with a possible focus in Azerbaijan and Tabaristan. The very meaning of Khurramiya appears uncertain to the authors dealing with it. It is usually related to the meaning of the Iranian term khurram (joyful, delightful or pleasing), so as to stigmatize the movement as “licentious” and justify its dependence on Mazdakism, which was considered as too tolerant from the point of view of ethics. This dependence, however, was occasionally related to Mazdak’s wife, Khurrama, held to have given her name to Mazdak’s followers after his death. There is also a geographical explanation of the name from a village, called khurram, which is the least likely interpretation.

It appears that most of the followers of Khurramiya espoused Ismailism in Jabal al-Badain at Azerbaijan, and asserted that: “this is the true faith, we accept it.” Hasan bin Sabbah deputed Dehkhoda Kaykhosrow, who had formerly belonged to them; to teach them the true Ismaili doctrines. When the latter died in Muharram, 513/May, 1119, his sons Abul Ala and Yousuf took his place as their da’is. Both were greedy of wealth and power, and in pursuit, they neglected their newly faith of Ismailism. Hasan bin Sabbah exhorted and warned them, but to no avail. After Hasan bin Sabbah’s death in 518/1124, a weaver named Budayl arose among them, and renounced Ismaili faith. He taught his followers that: “The law of the Shariah is only for those adhering to the exterior of religion. There is no reality to what is declared lawful or forbidden in religion. Prayers and fasting must therefore be abandoned.” Curiously, Budayl also taught them that: “Women were the water of the house. Dowry and marriage contract had no meaning. Daughters were lawful for their fathers and brothers.” Hence, they thought all forbidden things licit, and believed that the paradise and hell were on earth and that every one who recognizes the divinity of Abul Ala and Yousuf would return to earth in human shape, while those failing to do so would return in the form of wild beasts. In sum, these were the people whose doctrines consisted in rolling up the carpet of obligations of the Shariah, so as to render men free to follow all their pleasures and passions in permitting freedom of sexual relations and declaring as permitted all sorts of things prohibited by the religious laws.

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Marriage Infidelity – the 911 Cheating Husbands Guide for Women!

Infidelity is one of the most disheartening things that can occur in a relationship, and breaks the bond of trust and love that had existed between two partners. However, it can be overcome if you begin to understand why your partner felt the need to stray from the relationship, and you are willing to forgive. First, let me say that I do not condone such behavior, and I believe it to be an act of immorality, although recovering from infidelity has nothing to do with whether I or anyone else feels that the act was morally right or wrong! There are some professionals out there that will denounce a relationship that has suffered from infidelity as irreparable, and one that requires divorce or ending it as the solution.

Granted, there are relationships that should end since the risk of saving them can be far too costly to the partner on the receiving side. Relationships that contain sexual or physical abuse fall into this category! When these elements are present in a relationship, and your partner is exhibiting this behavior, you must understand that there are other underlying issues that are causing the abuse. In fact, it really has nothing to do with what you have or have not done in the failing relationship. Therefore, I would not recommend staying in such a relationship, or attempting to repair it! On the other hand, most relationships that have suffered from infidelity and do not contain abusive behavior can be saved. However, to save the relationship the following criteria must first be present;

1. You are willing to understand why he has strayed, and are willing to correct the problem.

2. You are willing to forgive him for his behavior.

The above criteria are based on the fact that you are the offended partner, if in fact you have strayed from the relationship then it would take your partners willingness to understand and forgive. However, it will also require your willingness to end the affair and cease your behavior.

Why did one of you stray?

In a successful relationship, two partners meet each other¡¦s emotional needs. But when these needs go unmet in the relationship, partners are tempted to go outside the relationship to satisfy them. A lack of understanding of what these emotional needs are often contributes to a couples failure to meet them. Men try to meet needs that they value, and women do the same. You see, often in a failing relationship both partners usually act from their male and female elements respectively, and end up trying to meet the wrong needs. A man does not want a partner that acts strictly from the female element, but rather from a balance of both elements. Sure, he wants a partner that is caring, compassionate, understanding, loving, affectionate, and romantic!

Sure, he wants a partner that he is physically and sexually attracted to, but more than anything else he wants a partner that makes him feel like a man! He wants a partner that walks through life with feminine grace. He wants a partner that is self confident and knows how to make her dreams come true, and knows how to articulate her needs. Someone that acts from both female and male elements!! Women want a man that is not only an achiever, strong, and self confident, but they want a man that is thoughtful, caring, understanding, passionate and romantic. They want a man that will just listen to them without trying to offer a solution or to achieve a specific outcome. They want a man that is thoughtful enough to understand how to fulfill their emotional needs, rather than his own.

However, quite frequently in a relationship crisis a women attempts to meet the needs of her partner by showering him with the needs that she values most, such as affection, caring, compassion, understanding and love. At this point in the crisis he has already begun to withdrawal, so taking this approach will only demonstrate that you can’t meet his needs, and will prove to be disastrous. Furthermore, the more you continue this approach the more you will drive your partner away, hence seeking fulfillment outside the relationship. Now, I know your probably thinking, but he’s the one that had the affair! He¡¦s wrong, not me! Well, there is no question that what he did was wrong, but if you want to continue to place the blame squarely on his shoulders then you may as well draw up the divorce settlement agreement, or pull the plug on the relationship right now!!!!

You see, until you are willing to look at what you did or didn’t do in the relationship to meet his needs, and how to fix it, he¡¦s not going to change and neither is your relationship!!!!!!!!!! What have you done in the relationship that caused his needs to go unmet? Sometimes it does involve a lack of sexual fulfillment and intimacy, although that is generally not the main reason!

If Your Partner was Unfaithful!

If your partner has been unfaithful, he has broken the bond of your relationship and has undermined your trust in him. Certainly, this has caused you to be pelted with a torrential barrage of emotions ranging from, feelings of hurt, betrayal, and anger. You may in fact even feel that he owes you some form of compensation for what he has done, and at times feel like you want to punish him for it! These are common reactions to infidelity by the offended partner, but you will need to move beyond these feeling if you wish to save your relationship. Try and understand that the past is the past, and there is not a darn thing you can do to change it, so holding on to it will only hurt you! Think about it, is the anger and resentment you are feeling inside right now hurting him? No, of course not! It’s hurting you! Yes, he was the one that had the affair! Is he wrong for doing so? Yes! But you have got to pull yourself up by the boot straps, come to the realization that he strayed from the marriage for a reason, and understand that until you’re willing to fix the problem nothing in your life or relationship is going to change!

You must ascertain which emotional needs went unmet and ultimately caused him to stray from the marriage. You can do this by reviewing what patterns of self limiting beliefs have sabotaged your relationship, and which forms of family dysfunctions they have originated from. Once you have definitively uncovered the self limiting beliefs, it is then time to uncover how they have prevented you from fulfilling your partners needs. Have they prevented you from being fully intimate, or have your fears and insecurities caused you to be jealous, suspicious, or controlling? I am sure you can read between the lines, and if you do a bit of reflection you will see that your partner has complained to you about what has gone unmet.

What if you have allowed the affair to continue?

Have you elected to stay in your relationship and permit an affair to continue for your childrens sake, or because your scared and afraid? Well, you are not alone because many people often do, in an act of desperation to save their relationship. However, what you don’t realize is that your lack of self esteem and self confidence is part of the underlying reason why your partner strayed from the relationship in the first place! Therefore, in essence, you are only confirming to your partner that they were justified for being unfaithful because you have proven to him that you can’t meet his needs. Furthermore, by staying in such a relationship under those circumstances you have given him a license to keep you on an emotional roller coaster for years to come. Why should he choose chocolate or vanilla when he can have them both!!!!!!! You see, some of his needs are being met by his paramour, and some of his other needs are being met by you. Therefore, it¡¦s no big surprise that he wants to have both!!!

Now, I am not at all suggesting that you give him an ultimatum at this point since that would be like pouring salt in his open wound! However, what I am saying is that after you present your statement of agreement you will need to begin to send him subtle messages that will state that you don’t condone his behavior and that you are’nt going to continue to tolerate it. As you manage the dynamics of the relationship, and time goes on, you will need to make the message progressively stronger. You want to arrive at a particular juncture of the choice between chocolate and vanilla, although the way to get him to choose that is by attraction, rather than force. In addition to sending him subtle messages of intolerance, you must also avoid becoming part of his behavior or enabling his affair. The following statements provide a few examples of how to deliver the message of intolerance;

1. If your partner makes an attempt to be intimate or affectionate towards you. Simply state that you do not feel comfortable with that, and you are not going to participate while he is involved in a relationship with another partner!

2. If your partner attempts to introduce your children to his paramour. State that doing so is not in the children¡¦s best interest, and you are not going to permit them to be subjected to such behavior!

3. If you partner attempts to discuss his paramour with you. Explain that you do not feel comfortable holding a discussion with him about the person that he is continuing to have an affair with, and remove yourself from the room!

Your compensation!

Is not at all uncommon for the offended spouse to want some form of compensation for the infidelity their partner has committed, although to often this leads to a mindset of seeking punishment or revenge! You must be willing to let go of the resentment you are holding onto, and be willing to forgive your partner, or you will destroy any chance you have of saving the relationship. Your prize or compensation will be attracting your partner back on your terms, and having the relationship that you’ve always dreamed of!!!

If you Have Been Unfaithful!

If you have been unfaithful to your partner, and have broken the bond and trust of the relationship, you will need to regain their trust and their forgiveness. Unfortunately, this is not an easy undertaking, but can be achieved when approached in the correct way. Obviously, you strayed from the relationship because some of your needs were unmet, but for the moment I would like you to put that aside! You see, when your partner first learns of your infidelity they will be experiencing a plethora of emotions, which includes the emotions of anger and resentment. They will feel that you’ve betrayed them, and in many cases will want to punish you, and will even expect to be compensated for your actions. Therefore, now would not be a good time to express your unhappiness in the relationship, and your needs being unmet as the direct cause of your infidelity! To do this would be the equivalent of pouring salt in their open wound. Therefore, you should do exactly the opposite, agree with them! You should draft a statement of agreement, which demonstrates your awareness of the fact that you strayed from the marriage, and it should include anything else that your partner blames you for in the relationship.

For more information on drafting a statement of agreement subscribe to my Free E-Guide “The Secret Principles to Saving a Relationship.”

This will defuse much of the anger and hostility they feel towards you, although they will continue to express their desire to punish you, or to be compensated for your actions for some time. The absolute worst thing that you can do is to feed into their power play! Do not attempt to over row the relationship boat by jumping to their beckon call, as this will only prolong their efforts to punish you and will worsen the relationship crisis. After you present your statement of agreement to your partner, you should stick to happy talk, or short, pleasant, conversations that don’t involve any serious talk about the relationship or the infidelity. If your partner attempts to punish you in someway, you should avoid commenting about it, and remove yourself from the situation by stepping back.

You must subtly send them a message that you are not going to allow them to punish you, and nor will you let their actions affect you. This should not be accomplished by arguing with them, or by finding fault with their actions. When your partner begins to realize that their attempts at punishing you have proven to be fruitless, in all likelihood they will cease their behavior. Once your partner has put down their guns, and has ceased the incessant behavior then and only then will you be able to move forward with saving the relationship. Continue to be pleasant and seize every opportunity to engage in short, happy conversation. However, do not make any advances at this point toward romantic endeavors. Be content to take it slowly and let your partner come to you! When he does, show some understanding and compassion for what he is feeling.

Do not defend yourself, or attempt to justify what you have done! Tell him that you agree and understand how he feels, and that you are sorry for the pain you have caused him. However, you must remain confident. Do not plead or beg for forgiveness! Remember, desperation is not attractive to anyone.

Ok, you’ve got him gravitating back to you, so now what? Well, if you’re looking for you partner to come to you and ask how he could fulfill your needs, it is unlikely that will happen! Let me say that this is going to take some patience on your part, and for now you should be content with allowing your partner to dictate the speed at which the relationship progresses. Be patient, and just be your happy, confident self!

In the mean time, let’s get started on the real work that is going to transform the relationship! The end goal is to get your partner to change so that he can meet your needs, right! But that it’s probably not going to happen by you telling him to! Yes, he has contributed to your failing relationship and your infidelity, but the bigger question is how have you contributed to it? What have you done that caused him to withdrawal and not meet your emotional needs? You see, the way to get him to change is by changing your side of the equation. As a matter of fact it’s the only way!

For more details on drafting a statement of agreement or how to save a relationship subscribe to my Free E-Guide “The Secret Principles to Saving a Relationship!”

Save a Relationship

Best wishes,

David Roppo

 

How to Save a Relationship

 

 

 

 

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Мэган Фокс отъедает фигуру

Как оказалось, Майкл Бэй (Michael Bay) не любит слишком худых женщин, считая их непривлекательными.

Ввиду этого, режиссер второй части «Трансформеров» («Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen») поставил актрисе Мэган Фокс (Megan Fox) настоящий ультиматум: либо девушка набирает, по меньшей мере, пять килограмм веса, либо звезду оригинального фильма во второй картине заменят.

Несмотря на то, что 22-летняя Фокс недавно была названа самой красивой знаменитостью по версии «FHM», теперь актрисе приходится «отъедаться», чтобы не потерять роль в фильме, съемки которого начнутся уже меньше, чем через месяц.

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Humor: Raising boys

According to the nursery rhyme, little boys are made from ‘Frogs and snails and puppy dog tails’. Well, what an apt description for their adorable, devious and ill-tempered male disposition, which only a mother could love. And I’m telling you now, ladies, it is our sacred duty, much to the dismay of many a young first-time Mom, to love and nurture these nasty little scoundrels and turn them into God-fearing, decent and honorable human beings. Not all of us may succeed, but the fruits of our labor will one day transform into grandchildren and it will all have been worth it. Because then, if all goes well, we will have our revenge!

But seriously, being a Mom of two gorgeous little boys, who are the absolute centre of my universe, I know that I couldn’t live a day without them. Despite the fact that I can no longer leave my make-up out on the dressing table, nor is there a wall in the house that doesn’t bear the mark of my Picassos. There isn’t a kitchen cabinet high enough to stow anything away, or any lock strong enough to hold anything in, and recently, the electric drill had to be given away after the older one tried to pierce the younger one’s ear with it. The little darlings! This was exactly one year after my eldest had to have a piece of plastic train track surgically removed from his nose. They know me by name down at the Accident and Emergency Centre.

I think I really could write a whole book about the turmoils and near-death experiences in our household, and believe me when I say that not one of those incidents occurred through any lack of vigilance on my part. But they’re just too smart and demonically devious for the likes of us. God must have added a special sneaky gene to the boy chromosome, and sent them here to torment us. And some of them don’t outgrow it, do they? Has anyone noticed that they even kick you harder in the womb than their fragile little female counterparts? I know!

But just look at them, fast asleep in their cute little Bart Simpson pyjamas, with their untamed hair and their marshmallow cheeks, nothing could be more angelic. Until the next day, and your police job begins all over again. When will you no longer have to scoop poop from behind the sofa or wash macaroni and cheese out of your own hair? When will a birthday gift of paints and crayons not send you spiraling into a panic attack? When, oh when, will they both leave for college?

You find yourself reminiscing about your days in school, when boys were the only thing on your mind. How come they’re so intriguing at that age? Still mostly disgusting, but intriguing. You wonder which poor unsuspecting lassies will fall prey to the undeniable charms of your two angels. But for now, you have to pull one of them out of the washing machine and trace the pee puddles on the kitchen floor back to their origin. Ah, what bliss to be the mother of boys.

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Community Based Reintegration of Former Youth Combatants

Community Based Reintegration of Ex-Combatants: A Case Study Of The Lord’s Resistance Army In Northern Uganda

Muwonge J. Maxie

Human Rights, Peace and Development Worker and Researcher

Introduction

The specific context of any conflict, and the differentiating dynamics therein, inform the processes for resolving that conflict. In the case of northern Uganda Lord’s Resistance Army (LRA) war, the nature and scope of commitments and interventions; evolving political and security frameworks, vision and objectives set by the various stakeholders in an attempt to end this twenty years insurgency are informed by the nature and dynamics of this war. Many studies have indicated the nature of the LRA war. The LRA rebels mutilate, abduct children, widely kill civilians, commit rape and other acts of sexual violence as well as crimes against property including though not limited to burning down civilians’ huts, destruction of vehicles, economic extortion and stealing food and medical stuffs.1 Although it is right to argue that nature of LRA atrocities is synonymous with other armed conflicts in Africa like the Darfur insurgency in Sudan, the 1994 Rwandan genocide and other scenarios, in the case of the LRA, many of those who have committed crimes against humanity are under coercion from their abductors. At the core of the internal organization of the LRA are the abductees, mainly children and youths, who are turned into porters, soldiers and wives.

Many of the LRA ex-combatants who for the purpose of this paper will be referred to as Formerly Abducted Persons (FAPs), considering that they were abducted and forced to commit atrocities against their will, have over years escaped from combat back into their communities. In many instances, upon return from combat, the FAPs, due to their involvement in the violence against their community during the war, are portrayed as prone to violence and criminally inclined and summarily perceived by members from the centrally war affected communities as a menace in one form to another. Such perceptions are premised on the bitter realities. When the FAPs were abducted they were coerced to commit an act of brutality, frequently against a relative, thereby incriminating and traumatizing them so that they are reluctant or unable to return to their villages for fear of accountability to their community and revenge from those enraged as a result of losing their relatives.2

This paper describes the war situation in northern Uganda3 and the plight of the FAPs and investigates the various initiatives undertaken to ensure sustainable community-based reintegration of these FAPs. It also provides achievable recommendations to better their reintegration and functioning within their communities.

Situational Analysis of the LRA Insurgency on Northern Uganda

The entire Northern Uganda testifies to the vicious suffering emanating from the LRA twenty-year conflict with the central government of Uganda, characterized by mass willful killings, abductions, rape and internal displacement of the civilian population.

Poor living conditions are prevalent among the internally displaced persons (IDPs), who are highly impoverished, displaced from their traditional land, and suffering illness like cholera, malaria, and HIV/AIDS. The region has witnessed interrupted education; families have had to endure severe social breakdowns as evidenced by the high numbers of orphans, child mothers, and child-headed families. Communities are faced with shortages of food due to the inaccessibility of their farmlands in the areas far way from the respective IDP camps, and are hence left to survive on the food rations provided monthly by World Food Program (WFP).

A recent August 2006 IDP revalidation exercise established that Gulu had 460,226 (87 percent of its projected population estimate of 528,800) living in 66 protected internal displacement camps/settlements as a result of the repeated and protracted forced displacements triggered by the insurgency. This IDP population figure constitutes a total of 118338 families/ households.4 If the same scenario of Gulu is reflected in the districts of Kitgum and Pader which had the IDP population of 31011 IDPs in 22 camps and 319,506 IDPs in 30 camps respectively, then the total number of IDPs in the Acholi Sub Region is 1089843.5 Most of these camps are highly under-serviced in spite of the efforts exerted by the Local Government together with its Humanitarian and Development partners.6 The IDP situation, as a result of the LRA, is extended to the Lango sub region, especially Lira district as well as the Teso region in the east.

Amidst this war traumatized IDP communities are the hundreds of FAPs who were affected in multiple ways by being abducted, tortured and forced to kill the same communities that they now seek to reintegrate into. Whereas the general feeling is that the FAPs have been forgiven by the war affected communities of northern Uganda, the idea for them to stay with former communities that they were forced to brutalize, has at times led some community members to palpably insult FAPs as rebels, which often stigmatizes them, causing deep psychological scars. Therefore there is need for understanding their plight before interventions for their reintegration is commenced.

The Plight of the FAPs

It is imperative to note that the FAPs are the worst affected by the LRA insurgency in northern Uganda. From1996, a year marked by intense fighting between the LRA and the government forces – Uganda Peoples Defence Forces (UPDF), the LRA resorted to abductions and massacre of suspected government allies to terrorise the civilian population in northern Uganda.7 The LRA abducts children and adults to serve as soldiers, and girls to serve as sex slaves to its commanders. Those abducted are brutalized to deter them from escaping. Those abducted persons attempting to escape are killed or seriously wounded as an example to others abducted.8 UNICEF estimates that over 25,000 children have been abducted in the course of the 19-year LRA insurgency.9 The LRA reportedly favours 9 to 12 years old abductees because the age group is the most malleable.10

A deeper interrogation of the process and consequences of abduction of especially the children and youth into the ranks of the LRA informs us that:

• Most FAPs were abducted when they were children;

• As an initial indoctrination of the FAPs, they were coerced to commit atrocities against their own communities as a way of incriminating them, thereby making it difficult for them to return home;

• FAPs were isolated and turned against the members of their families and communities;

• In many instances, FAPs were inflicted with physical and psychological abuse;

• Frequently, the FAPs were forced to give up their personal identity by undertaking new names; and

• For the young girls, they were raped and forced into marriage with the LRA top commanders.

Over 90 percent of the girls and young women abducted by the LRA were forced into marriage.11 Of these, at least 73 percent continued to fight as soldiers even if married.12 Although difficult to come to terms with, the young girls repeatedly raped under the ‘marriage of convenience with the rebels’ were safer than those who were single. Interviews with some of female FAPs indicate that unmarried boys and girls were responsible for the heaviest and most dangerous workloads such as carrying supplies or moving to the front of a military deployment in battle.13 I wish to clearly state that this does not necessarily imply that FAPs especially the young girls who were raped under the disguise of being married to the LRA commanders did so voluntary. In reality, they were forced into marriage and have sex against their will, after being beaten, tortured and threatened with death.

In principle, the FAPs were physical and sexual slaves of their abductors. If you are to form a picture on the situation of the FAPs while under captivity, the chances are that the imagery will be very tormenting and traumatizing. Many researches and studies like the ones cited in this paper have been very good at helping us map out the ghastly and inestimable suffering the young men and women (FAPs) went through under LRA captivity, but fall short of answering the question of who is responsible for their suffering.

Uganda is one of the African countries that have signed and ratified most of the international conventions and treaties that define and prohibit slavery and practices similar to slavery like abduction of civilians in times of war and peace. These include, but are not limited to, the UN charter of 1945, UDHR of 1948, Slavery Convention of 1962, Convention on the Right of Children, and Geneva conventions which place obligations on individuals and warring parties to govern their conduct in war, and recently the 1998 Rome Statute of the International Criminal Court. UDHR (1948) declares that everyone has the right to life, liberty and security of the person.14 The 1995 Uganda Constitution provides under general principle 3 that all organs of the state and the people of Uganda shall work towards the promotion of national unity, peace and stability.15 It is the primary responsibility and duty of the government of Uganda to protect the life and property of all Ugandans at all times. The existence of IDPs in northern Uganda, with some of their family members forced into military combat by the LRA, is a clear testimony to the inadequacy of the various duty bearers, in Uganda and the failure of the international community to protect the rights of these victimized people.

The above should not be perceived to mean that nothing has been done by the responsible duty bearers in Uganda and beyond, primarily the Government of Uganda. There have been both military and dialogue (stick and carrot) approaches, whose merits and challenges are not necessarily discussed in this paper. The discussion is around the stark realities of the civilian (IDPs) suffering as one category of victims alongside the FAPs, whom this paper takes to be the worst affected. For these, there is no contest over the actuality that they were not protected from being manipulated and used as pawns in sustaining the whole insurgency.

Whereas these sound strong statements, they can be substantiated. Some scholars are in agreement with me that behind the LRA abductions is a systematically crafted strategy of turning the population of northern Uganda against the government in power, which has majority members from the south. This has widened the north-south divide, which the author, like many nationalists, does not support and looks forward to its end through academic and proactive activism engagements with the responsible stakeholders as analyzed in the authors other related papers: The Northern Question in Uganda; and Joining Hands to Build a better Uganda through National Recocniliation16

The above statement is premised on the reality that the LRA use the abducted young girls and boys on the battle front as human shields. During the UPDF offensive against the LRA, most often they could kill the armed abductees as rebels. From some of the interviews with the FAPs who survived the UPDF offensive, came the following:

We used to fight the UPDF troops once we fell into their ambush. We had to put up a spirited resistance against them to save our lives, because if you were to retreat the LRA commander of your group could shoot you. What we feared most were the government war planes that could drop deadly bombs, killing many of our colleagues. We were however instructed upon seeing their advance towards us, to remove our shirts, smear with dust or mud, take cover in a tree of bush, hiding both our finger and toe nails, and in that way the planes could not easily spot us.17

Whereas some of the FAPs survived combat, many died. When these children are killed in combat by the UPDF, their parents condemn the government for killing their children. As a result many enraged parents of the killed abductees resent the government, which indirectly meets the intended objectives of the LRA of turning the people of the north against the central government of Uganda. There have been instances where the abductees who had managed to escape from the LRA during combat with the UPDF found themselves harassed and physically harmed by the community members where they had run for rescue. This resentment is attributed to the fact that most of the families that had lost their relatives could not stand any LRA suspected aide or involved combatant. They transferred their rage to the escapee FAPs for revenge. Although such road blocks exist in the course of the FAPs pursuing freedom from their abductors, many found their way to the reception centers like Gulu Save the Children Organization -GUSCO and World Vision – where they were received and rehabilitated for a while before being rejoined with their families. Some of them who were captured by the UPDF were taken to the barracks and later transferred to the reception centers. There also exist those FAPs that directly escaped from combat and found their way home to their relatives, and those who failed to trace their relatives or feared the communities’ revenge against them, and who moved to the main towns within the war affected districts to engage in petty brokery jobs to earn a living.

Reintegration Initiatives for FAPs

Uganda’s former child soldiers, haunted by exposure to violence at a young age, often find little solace when reintegrated into their home communities. When they return home, the nightmare continues, as they face stigmatization from their family and peers.18 The government of Uganda has not come up with a comprehensive plan for reintegration of FAPs back into their communities. Few IDPs feel that reintegration of FAPs has been satisfactory so far. Some FAPs have had difficulties, for example, to adjust from the power of the gun as a source of self-reliance and the gun being taken away without facilitation for alternative livelihood skills. What exists as reintegration intervention processes by humanitarian agencies and the civil society, are basically ad hoc activities implemented and duplicated by the various stakeholders. Nevertheless, the government of Uganda instituted the Amnesty Commission to process blanket amnesty for the LRA.

I Amnesty for the FAPs

As a response to the persistent insurgency in Uganda, the government enacted the Amnesty Act in the year 2000. This move was to pardon, exempt and discharge former rebels who voluntarily give up fighting the government through military means from criminal prosecution or any form of punishment from the state. The blanket amnesty that the government offered to all people engaged in rebellions against the government of Uganda, including the LRA, covers all rebel movements since the 26th January 1986. For the LRA ex combatants interviewed in the process of writing this paper, the greatest significance of the amnesty law is that it confers upon them as beneficiaries of amnesty, an irrevocable legal immunity from prosecution or punishment. Indeed Key LRA rebels like the former notorious Brigadiers Sam Kolo and Banya received blanket amnesty from the government. A number of junior LRA commanders and FAPs who managed to escape from combat and gave up arms have equally been granted the amnesty status. There is a general consensus within the war affected communities to grant full amnesty to the FAPs especially those who were in the lower ranks of the LRA because most of them were victims of abduction against their will. It is imperative to note that “the Amnesty Act 2002 of Uganda empowers the Amnesty Commission to promote appropriate mechanisms of reconciliation in the affected communities”.19

The affected communities perceive the Amnesty process to be insufficient for reintegration and reconciliation as understood by the war victims. At most, some of the FAPs are given amnesty certificates, blanket and mattress, plus some basic farm equipments. The victim communities perceive the amnesty packages from many aspects. Some argue that the government is empowering the FAPs, who are perceived by some community members as the perpetrators that contributed to the communities’ suffering in the camps, while others feel that the packages are necessary to enable the FAPs to start a new life after abduction. The families of the FAPs feel that proper reintegration of their children should on be at the top of the Amnesty process involving traditional cleansing, Mato oput.

II Acholi Traditional Justice Mechanism – Mato Oput

This is the traditional justice mechanism among the Acholi people who are mainly affected by the conflict. This practice is widely accepted within the IDP communities as ideal for cleansing FAPs before their reintegration with their families. It is carried out usually at both family and IDP camp levels for the FAPs with and without amnesty certificates.

The mechanism is based on the offender’s (FAP) declaration of the wrong he or she committed. Inherent to this process is the identification of acts committed by the FAP, which are Kir (Taboo) to the Acholi Traditions. These acts range from war crimes to antisocial violent acts. The Taboo (Kir) is cleansed through extensive rituals, which often constitute part of the reaffirmation of common values or behaviors. A common ritual involves stepping on a raw egg which symbolizes pure and untouched, the Laibi stick, used for opening the granary symbolizing that the individual is returning to eat home, and a twig from the Opobo tree, traditionally used to make soap symbolizing cleansing.20

The same rituals are conducted for IDPs that have started the voluntary return and resettlement into their original homes especially in Gulu district. A deeper interrogation of the whole Mato-Oput system reveals that:

• Mato-Oput is a cultural resolution of conflict in Acholi carried out by the Rwodi Moo, the traditional institution concerned with reconciliation.

• It focuses on genuine forgiveness for the offenders like FAPs who ask for forgiveness, leading to reconciliation of the offender and offended. Usually, the elders from the FAPs clan acknowledge guilt and regret it, while the victims’ clan elders agree to mend fences after factual investigations.

• An agreement is worked out by the elders, including a kind of compensation in form of livestock, usually cattle, or handing over a young girl to the deceased’s family and clan, expected to produce children to replace the dead.

• On the agreed date the compensation is done, elders conclude the process by sharing a bitter drink (made from the roots of the Oput tree). This is the ceremonial way of swallowing the bitterness.21

The author wishes to clearly highlight that the component of handing over the girl to the family of the deceased is not generally supported by all the Acholi people in contemporary times, although there are some conservative groups who wish to keep the entire Acholi custom intact with that component. Many of the families, who opt for Mato-oput, give cattle to the deceased family, which is expected to be used by that family to marry a woman for one of their sons, who will give birth and replace the deceased member of the family and clan. In summary, the traditional practices that are partly used to restore the broken relationships of the FAPs and the victimised communities have some shortcomings.

• The process is very expensive for the highly impoverished IDP communities whose children are FAPs. Some civil society organizations like Northern Uganda Peace Initiative tried in 2005 to sponsor a team of Acholi leaders to undertake rituals of mato oput in welcoming back the FAPs to be reintegrated into their families.

• Many human rights activists are contesting the component of giving a way a girl to the deceased’s family to compensate for the dead family and clan members.

Consequently, many FAPs whose families and clans have logistical support to meet the cost involved in undertaking this traditional practice have tended to feel that they are not cleansed, and hence not properly reintegrated into their communities.

III Reintegration into the National Armed Forces

Some of the FAPs, upon escaping from the LRA opt to join the national armed forces. It is imperative to note that by and large, the process of FAPs joining the armed ranks of the state is voluntary. For this category of FAPs, they feel better being reintegrated into the army to provide services – safety – to the communities that they were once forced to brutalise while under the LRA captivity. These FAPs are given full military training and passed out in various categories, some, as part of the Uganda People’s Defense Forces (UPDF) and others as Local Paramilitias. In some communities like eastern Uganda, the FAPs formed part of the AMUKA and Arrow boys to protect their own communities from LRA and the Karamojong cattle rustlers. This paper does not intend to examine the merits of this process. It nevertheless wishes to point out that this approach for reintegration of some FAPs has been under attack by sections of both local and international communities. In generic terms, those opposed to this mechanism ground their allegations on the perception that the government is using the reintegrated FAPs in the military ranks as human shields in the process of military confrontation with their former abductors, the LRA.

IV Reception Centers

This intervention was the earliest attempt modeled by the Civil Society Organizations (CSOs) to receive FAPs. Gulu Save the Children Organisation (GUSCO) and World Vision International were among the first agencies to establish reception centers for FAPs. More agencies like Jamii Ya Kupatanisha (JYAK), a Swahili phrase for Fellowship of Reconciliation in Uganda, among others, joined to support these initiatives of FAPs reintegration especially at the grassroots levels.

Upon arriving at the reception centers, the details of the FAPs are taken and with their assistance the search for their families from which they were abducted commences. While at the reception centers, the FAPs undergo counseling as part of psychosocial therapy, considering that many continue to experience traumatic disorders due to the gruesome acts they were forced to engage in while under LRA abductions. Alongside the counseling, the FAPs at the centers are physically rehabilitated through provision of food stuffs, and treatment of wounds and other health hazards they contracted in the bush. Peace education components, like non-violence skills are offered to the FAPs to help them adjust their interpersonal relations with the communities where they are reintegrated. In World Vision reception center for children, “Bible teaching and prayers are emphasized as ways through which FAPs seek for forgiveness from God for themselves and to forgive their abductors”.22

The field officers under the reception centers, upon finding the family relatives of the FAPs, arrange with the community members who gather at a specified time and location, usually the IDP camp where the family relatives of the FAPs live. The FAPs are handed over by the reception center field team to their families in the presence of other IDPs, who are called upon to be supportive of the FAPs. This intervention as well has its own shortcomings.

• The FAPs upon being handed to the local communities, find there is a very big gap in their livelihood support system. They come to the IDP camps where, unlike in the centers, they can not easily access free food, accommodation facilities, luxuries like TVs and videos, which they used to enjoy at the centers.

• As such, it is usually very difficult for the FAPs from the reception centers to fit and resettle within these IDP communities. Some IDP camp members are not friendly to them. They call them all sorts of names as rebels. This traumatizes them again.

• Consequently, some of the FAPs who fail to fit into the communities run back to the reception centers, while others opt to stay in the major trading centers and towns within their respective districts, where they do petty jobs like driving manual and motor bikes carrying passengers who pay them, hence supporting their livelihoods.

Implication of the Juba Peace Talks on the Reintegration of FAPs

Generally the peace negotiations in Juba, after several failed peace talk attempts, have largely been viewed by the war stricken communities of northern Uganda as the greatest opportunity for ending the conflict through peaceful means. This sanguinity was raised largely due to the increased commitment and the desire by both the LRA and central government of Uganda to find a peaceful end to the conflict, manifested through the signing of the Cessation of Hostilities Agreement (CHA). The success of the peace talks in Juba is largely viewed as increasing the number of FAPs, mainly children and women returning to live with their families. This will likely create challenges for their community based reintegration and resettlement. The author of this paper is aware that at the time of writing this paper, the peace talks at Juba had stalled due to several counter accusations between the LRA, GoU and Government of Southern Sudan under the auspices of the chief mediator Reik Machar. For the purpose of this paper, the author distances himself from interrogating the reasons for the stalling of the peace talks. It is his felt desire like many other peace lovers of the world that non violent solutions are reached to end this war. Considering that the hopes of the war communities were galvanized by the Peace talk’s success, he shares moral support with the advocates for successful peace talks until the signing of a comprehensive peace agreement as expeditiously as possible.

Implication of the International Criminal Court on FAPs Reintegration

The ICC is the first ever permanent, treaty based international criminal court established to promote the rule of law and ensure that the gravest international crimes do not go unpunished. “The 1998 Rome Statute of the ICC which established this court was entered into force on the 1st July 2002. Accordingly anyone who commits any of the crimes under the statute after this date will be liable for prosecution by the court”.23 Considering that Uganda signed the Rome Statute of the ICC on the 17th March and ratified it on the 14th of June with no reservation, as a matter of state practice, President Museveni of Uganda referred the situation concerning the LRA in northern Uganda to the ICC in December 2003.On the 29th of January 2004.

The Argentine ICC prosecutor Luis Moreno Ocampo announced that “there was sufficient evidence to start inquiring into the grave human rights violations committed by the LRA”.24 On the 13th October 2005, the ICC pre-trial chamber unsealed the warrant of arrest for five senior leaders of the LRA for crimes against humanity and war crimes committed in Uganda since July 2002. The chamber concluded that, “there were reasonable grounds to believe that Joseph Kony, Vicente Otti, Okot Odhiambo, Dominic Ongwen and Raska Rukwiya ordered the commission of crimes within the jurisdiction of the ICC”.25 On the basis of the above background a lot of excitement regarding the arrest of Kony and the end of the war was registered among the civic, civil and war affected communities. The hopes of the community were frustrated when the ICC failed to immediately arrest the indicted LRA commanders. As such, the war affected communities inspired by their traditional, religious and political leaders opted for the traditional justice system of Mato Oput that has been discussed above. Part of the reasons advanced against the ICC include, but are not limited to, the fact that the ICC does not have retrospective powers to prosecute crimes committed before the 1st of July 2004, and its intended justice is not fully representative and healing for all the war victims who suffered from the bloody LRA offensive. In principle, the ICC justice is seen by the war affected communities to be insufficient in bringing about sustainable peace and reconciliation in northern Uganda and as such is not preferred as a justice intervention for the LRA conflict, at least for now.

The ICC indictments of the top LRA commanders directly inhibited the FAPs escaping from the LRA captivity. The rebel commanders used the ICC against their abductees, whom they convinced that they would be arrested by the government forces and taken to the ‘whites’ to be imprisoned by the ICC. This propaganda worked on the FAPs’ psyche for some time as informed by this paper:

We were told that the whites are looking for us to be taken to the ICC supported by President Museveni. We feared to come back home first. But later when we learnt from the Radio Megga (Gulu based FM) that they wanted the top commanders we decided to escape and come back home.26

For some of the FAPs in the IDP camps, the ICC indictment news made them scared that they would also be arrested from the camp and taken to the ICC. The author is certain of the lack of information within the war affected communities as regards the ICC mandate and operation. This is attested to. In some of the interactions with the IDPs, a community member inquired if ICC was a person they could talk to and explain the plight and innocence of their abducted and victimised sons and daughters, FAPs.27 It is therefore very crucial for the ICC to develop a communication strategy intended to sensitize the war affected communities whose justice they intend to represent and foster.

Needs Assessment and Constraints for FAPs Reintegration

 Long term reintegration beyond reception centers. Support from reception centers is limited leading to apathy about status in community. Reception centers can only follow up a few FAPs for a few months after being returned to their communities.

 Not all FAPs pass through reception centers. Most of the FAPs in Kitgum and Pader did not pass through reception centers and as such missed out on the basic counseling and rehabilitation to help them deal with the violent situations they might be confronted with within the IDP camps.

 The Amnesty Commission can provide amnesty certificates and a one off resettlement package in their Gulu Office. Access to services of the Amnesty commission from Pader is very difficult because of travel to Gulu for the poor FAPs

 Awareness, respect and redress for rights of FAPs especially for peace, life, health, property ownership, self determination is insufficient.

 Sense of belonging to and coexistence with communities is needed and anticipated by the FAPs. The reconciliation with community is obstructed because of fear of vengeance and lack of self confidence and image. They need receptive home communities.

 The livelihood systems for the FAPs are lacking. As such they are in a state of poverty and lack knowledge of practical ways they can improve their well being

 Many young FAPs express the need to continue with their education. It is imperative to point out that many IDP camps, especially in Gulu and Kitgum, have a nearby school. Some of these schools, commonly referred to as bush schools, are started by the government, former teachers and camp inhabitants who have attained some level of higher education

 Health services, especially for HIV, primary health care and access to medical services are insufficient.

 Psychosocial support to deal with effects of trauma is dearly needed. Many FAPs say they still experience post traumatic stress disorder even after reception centers and traditional cleansing ceremonies. FAPs are called many derogative names like ‘demon possessed’, murderers and LRA prostitutes.

 Skilled leaders able to provide support for community reintegration mechanisms.

 Risk of re-abduction or killing if found by rebels.

 Community bitterness because they feel that FAPs were part of the rebels who caused their suffering in the IDP Camps.

 Skepticism about what the government or community may do either to punish the ex-rebels or seek revenge.

 The weakest interest groups like child mothers, the disabled, HIV affected and the female gender feel disempowered because of stereotypes about roles of the female gender.

 The different initiatives undertaken by the various humanitarian agencies to support livelihood systems of the FAPs in the camps have not seriously engaged the question of whose land they are using giving rise to land conflicts

Conclusion

Community based reintegration of FAPs has of recent become well recognized to be a necessary intervention in transforming societies in northern Uganda by various key stakeholders like the government of Uganda and its development partners. It is imperative to point out that this development is not a cure-all for sustainable reintegration and reconciliation of the FAPs and their communities which they once assaulted.

I wish to point out that some of the NGOs like JYAK have undertaken community based reintegration initiatives of the FAPs from the reception centers and those who directly found their way into their villages. JYAK for example attempts to transform the apathy, guilt, isolation, trauma and violent response to provocation of the FAPs to reconciliation within the FAPs, their families and communities, initiating self development activities to foster their responsible and human rights observance and to living with other IDPs. The main activities are establishment and strengthening of FAPs’ groups; peace and self-help training; psychosocial support; support for Amnesty registration, public engagement; advocacy and networking; and economic reintegration of FAPs through vocational and entrepreneurship skills development. Such initiatives of JYAK and other like minded partners are intended to support sustainable grassroots initiatives for effective community based reintegration of the FAPs, with the major component of promoting their livelihood systems.

Community based reintegration of the FAPs could be a success story, if it were to be engaged in an integrated way by the various stakeholders; civil society, the government, religious and cultural institutions represented in the region, working in conjunction with the primary war affected communities to realize social and conflict transformation under the themes of forgiveness, peace, unity and reconciliation.

Recommendations

• For sustainable resettlement and reintegration of the FAPs and IDPs to be attained, there must be security guarantee for both their lives and property. The government and its development partners need to have in mind a fall-back position on how to deal with the same community in case the Juba peace talks that have raised hopes for a peaceful end of the war fail.

• The government action plans for northern Uganda like, the National Peace Recovery and Development Plan for Northern Uganda (PRDP), must address the livelihood component of the FAPs and IDPs for their sustainable reintegration in a strategic planned manner.

• Local communities’ initiatives to facilitate reintegration are tempered by the fact that they themselves are strapped with psychological, economic and social constraints that have already depleted their traditional and socially entrenched coping mechanisms. Additional mechanisms that serve to shift responsibility from individuals to a system are necessary to compensate for the lack of resources.

• Specifically, mechanisms that serve to aid local communities’ capacity building, monitoring and evaluation of resources allocated to uplift their livelihoods and community initiatives for reintegration and reconciliation would assist in developing an effective overall response to improve FAP and IDP livelihoods.

• Skills training and learning centers are needed so that FAPs can continue their educations and learn income generating activities.

• Sensitization training should be made available to community members in order to address the negative attitudes that clearly exist and impede community based reintegration and reconciliation with the FAPs

• Equalization of reintegration programming across sub-counties and districts, especially Pader and Kitgum, need to be tracked to ensure everyone has access to program resources.

• Cultural leaders need to be facilitated in performing traditional cleansing rituals as a part of the welcoming and reintegration ceremony for the FAPs into their former communities.

• Community forums are needed for the FAPs to share their experiences with the rest of the community. This aspect will strengthen reconciliation given that some FAPs harbor bitterness over the fact that few attempts were made to rescue them from the Bush when they were abducted.

Community Based Reintegration suffers from a lack of shared vision between the community and the FAPs. While the community provides the basic necessities for survival, the FAPs generally feel that this is insufficient given what they have been forced to endure. This failure to anticipate the expectations of the FAPs is at the heart of the dysfunction within the IDP community. Several approaches can be taken to engage this issue:

• An open, consultative process along the lines of traditional community dialogue between the parties to arrive at some sort of shared position and to answer the question of what type of practical assistance would be deemed sufficient.

• FAPs should create groups of their own, with elected leadership, which can interact directly with local leadership and NGOs. The FAP groups should be able to critically assess their own needs and inform the parties of their intentions. This would also help to avoid duplication in programming.

Health concerns regarding HIV/AIDS and malaria, water and sanitation and other basic health services are prevalent in the camps. Reduction of avoidable mortality and morbidity from trauma as well as communicable and non-communicable disease and maternal risks, through access to safe and quality primary, secondary and tertiary health care services, as well as environmental health for all affected populations should be the central objectives for all health interventions.

• Monitor health threats and risks, including provision and /or enhancement of the early warning surveillance and outbreak response systems.

• Address critical threats with appropriate and quality primary health care actions and strengthen secondary levels of medical care in the affected areas.

• Address gaps in health services delivery and support in re-establishing essential and emergency medical, public health and environmental health services.

• Ensure that FAPs and IDPs – with particular emphasis on women and children – have access to facilities, supplies and information that contribute to their hygienic status and protect them from water-borne diseases.

• Awareness campaigns and counseling for the community and FAPs about the risks of HIV/AIDS.

• Prevention and support for victims of Gender-Based violence (GBV) among IDPs and FAPs.

• Establish mobile health care units and strengthen functional health centers capable of delivering maternal and child health, non-specialized mental health services, and chronic disease management.

• Increase sanitation facilities for IDPs living in public facilities, and support their maintenance and operation.

• Increase access to hygienic supplies for IDPs and FAPs so they can maintain personal hygiene levels and protect themselves from water-borne diseases.

• Related promotional activities, ensuring in particular appropriate participation and sustainability of interventions.

There is a concern that current Reintegration activities that involve construction of shelters in the camps only benefit the long-term residents and not those that would relocate once the FAPs and IDP community resettlement into their original homes is undertaken. Thus appropriate sites must be identified for the accommodation of FAPs, and for the communities to pursue land-based Income Generating Activities, such as agricultural or animal husbandry.

• Designing shelter assistance strategies to minimize tension between the displaced persons and host communities.

• Identifying possible new sites and or/communal building, and undertaking rehabilitation, where necessary, to keep minimum living standard.

Effective implementations of the assistance and protection activities outlined in this paper are fully dependent on stable security situations within the camps. Due to displacement and the accompanying increase in the levels of poverty, there is a greater risk of domestic and sexual violence and economic exploitation, especially of children and women. Conflict resolution mechanisms between the FAPs and IDPs are also inefficient, as there is little or no police presence in the camps, only a camp commander. Issues above his ability to resolve are currently referred to the army, which is not in position to provide adequate resolution. Interventions aimed at improving the security situation should focus on:

• Ensuring a systematic protection monitoring system of all IDP sites.

• Ensuring physical and material safety of identified vulnerable FAPs with particular emphasis on women, children and elderly.

• Ensuring children are protected from violence, abuse, and exploitation.

• Contributing to securing a safe environment for women, girls, and young people and supporting victims.

End Notes

1Refugee Law working Paper No.11 (2004), Behind the Violence: Causes, Consequences and Search for Solutions to the War in Northern Uganda, Faculty of Law, Makerere University, Kampala-Uganda.

2ICG African Report No77 (14th April 2004), Northern Uganda: Understanding and Solving the Conflict.

3In this paper, the northern Uganda region constitutes the districts of Gulu, Pader, Amuru and Kitgum within the Acholi sub region; Apac, Oyam, Dokolo, Amolatar and Lira districts within the Lango sub region; Moyo and Adjumani districts in Madi sub region; Kotido, Moroto, Nakapiripiti and Kaabong districts in Karamoja sub region; Arua, Koboko, Yumbe and Nebbi forming the West Nile sub region. The political definition of the north takes into account all those districts that have suffered under the armed conflicts, despite the fact that they are categorized statistically to be in the eastern region. These districts in the North Eastern Teso region include, Soroti, Katakwi, Kumi, Kaberamaido, Pallisa and Amuria.

4Muwonge Maxie et al (2006), Needs and Impact Assessment of the FAPs in Kitgum, Pader, Amuru and Gulu districts, Jamii Ya Kupatanisha-Fellowship of Reconciliation, Kampala Uganda.

5WFP report (July 2005), Northern Uganda Revalidation Exercise

6OPM-Department of Disaster Preparedness and Refugees Report (December 2005), Return Resettlement and Reintegration of IDPS Strategic Plan in Acholi Sub region.

7Before 1996 Kony was perceived many people including some leaders from Northern Uganda as a hero promoting Acholi subnationalism, and indeed some of the fighters he started with voluntarily joined him to pursue this cause. When the communities shifted from supporting him, he adopted a revenge approach of terrorizing them through such activities as abducting their children.

8Jemera Rone (September 2005), Uprooted and Forgotten Impunity and Human Rights Abuses in Northern Uganda, report available at http//: www.hrw.org/english/docs/2005

9Ibid.

10see Behind the Violence, supra note 1 at 23.

11The Justice and Reconciliation Project, Field Notes No.2 (September 2006), Young Mothers, Marriage, and Reintegration in Northern Uganda: Consideration for the Juba Peace Talks, Liu Institute for Global Issues and Gulu District NGO Forum.

12The figures were obtained from structured interviews that Liu Institute for Global Issues and Gulu NGO forum conducted with 147 young mothers formerly married to the LRA in the district of Kitgum, Pader, Amuru and Gulu in northern Uganda.

13Ibid.

14Universal Declaration of Human Rights (1948), Article 3.

15Constution of the Republic of Uganda (1995), National Objectives and Directive Principles of State Policy III

16The author has written a research paper on the northern Question in Uganda for the Center of Basic Research, Kampala. The paper, Joining Hands to Build a Better Uganda Through National Reconciliation was written for the Coalition of Organizations and Institutions working towards National Reconciliation in Uganda, presented during their Consultative Conference at Speke Resort Munyonyo-Kampala, 12th -14th February were it was discussed by Professor Joanna Quinn from the University of Western Ontario Canada.

17Interview with a group of FAPs from Palabek Ogili IDP camp in Kitgum district; the author implements a community based reintegration project of FAPs in Kitgum, Pader, Amuru and Gulu districts.

18Micheal Bionx Akena (February 2006), Uganda’s Former Child Soldiers Challenged After War, Uganda Conflict Action Network.

19See section 9 C of the Uganda Amnesty Act 2002

20Tito Owor Shanon et al (2003), Peace Building For Elementary Schools, A Teacher’s Resource Guide, Jamii Ya Kupatanisha-Fellowship of Reconciliation in Uganda.

21Ibid.

22Report by a senior Counselor, World Vision Children of War reception center in Gulu town

23See International Criminal Court: Historical Introduction, available from http://www.icc-icpt.int.

24Global Policy Forum Report (2004, January 29th): International Criminal Court Gets its First case: Against Rebels in Uganda, http://www.globalpolicy.org

25Rene Wadlow (20th October 2005): Uganda: ICC Issues Arrest Warrants for Lords Resistance Army, http://www.towardfreedom.com/home/content/view/6321/1

26Interview with a group of FAPs at Atanga IDP camp-Pader district

27The author works with both IDPs and FAPs to strengthen their community based reintegration, resettlement and return within six IDP camps in the districts of Kitgum, Pader, Gulu and Amuru.

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What is Love? Part 3 of 5

Love, Pleasure or Affirmation ? Part 3 of a 5 part series.

Needing Others for Pleasure

Let us examine how our needs for pleasure and affirmation can limit and distort our experience of love.

We create relationships that give us pleasure and affirmation as well as security. We may be dependent upon the other for money, shelter, sex, travel, clothing, encouragement, compliments, humor, tasty food, a clean house, comforts, or even his or her beauty.

Yet, if he or she stops providing these for us, or decides to provide them for someone else, do we continue loving that person or do we feel hurt, disillusioned, and overcome with feelings of injustice, anger and perhaps revenge?

The condition here is that “I love as long as you provide me pleasure, happiness or excitement. If you stop, my feelings change.” It is conditional love.

Needing Others for Affirmation

We may also depend on someone for affirmation. This may take various forms.

1. We are affirmed when others obey us. “You listen to me and do what I say. I can control you. That makes me feel powerful and worthy. If, however, you stop doing whatever I say, I will stop feeling love and unity with you.”

This becomes a problem for parents when their children move into adolescence. This can also occur between spouses. In many countries a wife might be suppressed at first, and thus, the husband feels powerful and affirmed. If, however, she begins to think and act for herself, he begins to panic and can become angry and sometimes aggressive. The roles may also be reversed where the woman controls and feels affirmed.

2. We also feel affirmation when someone needs us or is dependent on us. This could occur between parent and child, teacher and student, friends, or between the “savior” and the “needy.”

In these cases, the “needed” feels affirmed by and perhaps superior to the “needy”. This is one aspect of codependency. Some of us find meaning in life because someone needs us or depends on us. If however, the other doesn’t want to be the child, the student or the needy one anymore, do we feel the same attraction and love? If not, our love is mixed with our need to be “needed”.

In such a case, we need to give, offer, and sacrifice in order to feel useful, worthy or boost our self-image. If this is the case, then all that we offer in these situations, all our sacrifices, are actually for ourselves and not for the others.

That does not negate the fact that others may actually need us, or that we also simultaneously have feelings of altruistic love. We are often motivated by two or three motives simultaneously

3. A third aspect of this attraction for affirmation is the situation in which we “love” those “who affirm our rightness”, either verbally by telling us we are right, or simply by belonging to the same social, political, religious or spiritual group and thus embrace a similar belief system.

“I love you because you agree with me, you are like me, you affirm me”. If they change beliefs and convert to another political party, religion, or spiritual group, will we feel the same closeness and “love?” Perhaps yes, perhaps no.

A fourth aspect of this affirmation principle is infatuation – called “Eros” (in Greek “erotas”) or “falling in love”. In this case there is a mutual (occasionally only one-sided) infatuation on the physical, sexual, emotional and sometimes mental level. This is a special attraction between two persons who excite, bring joy to and stimulate each other positively. This positive stimulation often has to do with the needs for security, pleasure and affirmation.

This intensity of these feelings seldom lasts more than a few years. The couple then has the possibility of transforming their “Eros” into a steady form of unconditional love, or facing the sadness of conflict and / or separation. Sooner or later, we will come face to face with the other’s various negative aspects, and if we cannot love them as they are, the relationship suffers.

Until we are able to love unconditionally, we will be unhappy, insecure and frequently in conflict with those around us. We will be able to do this only when we have matured sufficiently so as to experience inner security, inner satisfaction, inner freedom and a steady feeling of self-worth.

In other words, we can love purely only those who we do not need.

When we need others, we cannot love them unconditionally. This might be difficult to comprehend at first, but deep thought and observation will prove it to be true. Being able to love without conditions is a basic prerequisite for both a happy life and spiritual evolution.

Be sure to look for the remaining the parts of this series:

1. What is Love ?
2. Love or Need for Security ?
3. Love, Pleasure or Affirmation?
4. Selfless Love
5. Spiritual Universal Love

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After a divorce: Tips for dealing with anger

After the divorce is final, the grieving over a failed marriage continues. Anger is a natural part of dealing with any loss. There always comes that time when your frustration at a situation that leaves you feeling helpless to fix reaches a peak. This frustration usually transforms into anger.

Anger is not a problem unless two things happen. It will be a problem if your anger is channeled into violent behavior. This is never good regardless of the cause of the anger. When anger erupts as violence, people get hurt, things get broken, and someone may get into trouble with the law. It is better to learn to deal with anger than to allow it to fuel aggressive violent behavior.

The second result of anger is that it settles in as a long-term guest in your life. It can take two possible forms if it does. The first thing that can happen with unresolved anger is that it drives a need for revenge. Some say that revenge is sweet. It is never satisfying. Revenge will only leave you with guilt and regret if you are functioning normally. Next, anger just settles in as gross unhappiness and bitterness at everything and everyone.

Bitterness can make you mean and difficult to get along with in every circumstance. You need to find a way to root out bitterness before it takes hold. The only real way to avoid bitterness is to deal with the anger and move on.

You have a choice with anger. You can let it rule over you, or you can take charge and decide that anger will not win. The first step is to realize that there are just some things in life that you cannot help. No matter what you would have done differently, the result would have probably been the same. Often, divorce falls into this category.

It might have been possible to head off the divorce years earlier. By the time you realize that divorce is imminent, there is little left to fix. Your energy to fix it is usually gone too. It just seems better to let go than to hang on. I am not a fan of divorce, but once the attorneys are called in, there is not much that can stop the process.

Since the divorce was not something you could completely control, being angry at the divorce or the ex-spouse is generally wasted energy. If you need to write a letter and vent, do it. Send it to your ex-spouse and forget it. Do not make threats. Just state the facts and your regrets. Mail it. Move on.

Get involved with charity work or a bowling league. Find something to eat up those extra hours that you will use to feel sorry for yourself and feed your anger. If you do not feed it, it will starve to death. Get more involved with your kids, or take a class. Anything that you can do to feel more alive is a good thing. For now, you are somewhat free. Take some risks and enjoy it.

Look for the positives about being single again. You have no one to really answer to other than your kids. If you become me outgoing and fun, they will be the benefactors, too. Do not worry about keeping up with your ex-spouse. Learn to be yourself. Build a life that includes your kids, but not your ex-spouse. It can be done, and it is worth the effort.

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Gaming humor: What is the funniest moment in a video game?

To be honest, I’d be hard pressed to pick a particular moment of humour from any one game. I’ve been playing videogames for, ooh, must be 30 years by now, and a lot of them have crossed my path. The total must be into several thousand by now, and that’s not even including online or downloadable games.

I think for me, the humour in a game is at its best when it subverts the story it’s telling a little, either by poking fun at itself, or by breaking (or at least nudging) the fourth wall a little, and reminding you that what the character is doing would be fairly ridiculous in real life.

I think the best way to go with this will be to just pick a few examples.

The Secret of Monkey Island II: LeChuck’s Revenge (Lucasarts) – There’s way too many moments in this game. After all, it’s a comedy point and click adventure, being funny is what it’s supposed to do. But still…

The whole story of the game is supposedly being narrated by the lead character, as if he were telling what had been happening to him in the last few months. At one point, he’s suspended above a pit of acid, with about ten minutes to devise a MacGyverish way of escaping. If you actually wait out the ten minutes, he falls into the pit of acid and dies. We then cut to darkness, and then the person he’s telling the story to says something along the lines ‘So, how exactly are you telling me this?’

‘Oh, er…’

Game resets to you being suspended above the acid.

Another example would be Nethack (Various systems): This is a game which has accreted over the years, and included little sly references to all kinds of books, films and other media of the fantasy genre. At one point, people used to say the game included everything but the kitchen sink; a few versions later, it included kitchen sinks.

It’s the rarer, hard to get messages which are funniest, though. If a character throws something heavy or sharp in the air, and they’re not wearing a helmet, and it kills them, their tombstone will read ‘Killed by elementary physics’.

One of the odder parts of the game is being able to transform into different creatures in the right circumstances; this is where messages get really weird. If you turn into something metallivorous (able to eat metal), and eat a trident, you get the message ‘That was pure chewing satisfaction!’. For the non US readers, Trident is a brand of chewing gum.

They even have messages you can’t see in the current version, but are visible in the source code. If you could change into something that can eat rock (and nothing can at present), and ate a flint stone, you’d get the message ‘That was Yabba Dabba Delicious!’

There are a lot of amusing games that have been produced over the years, but to me, anything that’s that little bit seditious towards player expectations has the edge.

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Greek goddesses: Hera

Jealous, vengeful, beautiful, powerful-these are but a few of the words used to describe the Greek Goddess Hera, daughter of Kronos and Rheia. Hera is the queen of the gods and the goddess of women and marriage. It is often said that she is the only goddess who stays with a woman throughout her life. Long before she was married to her brother Zeus (incest was less an issue if you were a deity I suppose), Hera was worshiped as the ultimate being. She was the representation of creation as she was able to give birth. Legend says that the Milky Way was created from the milk of her breasts.

Soon, Zeus who had fallen in love with her was pursuing her. He attempted to seduce her by appearing in an alternate form. Zeus transformed himself into a cuckoo so that he could become the pet of Hera. Nestling himself against her breasts, he finally revealed his true face. Despite Zeus’ charms, Hera was aware that she wanted more from Zeus eventually convincing him to marry her. Their honeymoon lasted over 300 years, but like many relationships, Zeus had a wandering eye (or two.) Zeus, always the playboy, was constantly seducing and raping young goddesses and mortals alike.

The fact that Zeus would seek the comfort of others greatly angered Hera causing her to take revenge out on the women who had knowingly (or unknowingly) fallen under Zeus’ spell. There are multiple accounts of Hera’s wrath against those who had been bed by Zeus including Semele (who gave birth to a son by Zeus), Io who Zeus turned into a cow to protect (once Hera found out about this transformation, she sent a gadfly to torture Io until she was forced to flee to the ends of the earth-or as we call it today, Egypt) and Leto, a former lover of Zeus who was mysteriously pregnant with twins said to be those of Zeus. How’d that happen? Hera sent a giant python to destroy her, but Zeus was able to save her allowing her to give birth to Artemis and Apollo.

Not only were the lovers of Zeus in danger, but also the children of those affairs. Hera had a special distaste for the likes of Heracles (aka Hercules.) Son of Alcmene and Zeus, Hera sent two large serpents to kill him. (Her association as an Earth Goddess meant that snakes were important to her.) Hercules however was so strong that he was able to kill them with his bare hands. Hera, biding her time waited until just the right moment to try again. After marrying and having two children, Hera caused Hercules to go insane and kill

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